Zero Requiem
by mesmerizedbyceruleaneyes
Summary: Suzaku's thoughts and feelings as he carries out his duty to kill Lelouch in their agreed Zero Requiem. Mild SuzaLulu.


**Zero Requiem**

Lelouch, I really cannot express how much I hate you.

"_The one and only 99__th__ Emperor of the Holy Empire of Britannia, as well as CEO of the Black Knights and the 2__nd__ Supreme Council Chairman of the United Federation of Nations, His Majesty Lelouch vi Britannia has appeared."_

You made me even more of an idiot than I had already been. You talked me into the Zero Requiem, you, Euphy's murderer. I don't know how it happened.

"… _noble losses of the capital of Pendragon and of many soldiers, including the Knight of Zero, Lord Kururugi Suzaku, with the E.U.'s ratification of the U.F.N.'s charter, our emperor, Lelouch, has finally completed his glorious goal of unifying the world. Glory to Emperor Lelouch! All hail Britannia. All hail Lelouch!"_

Maybe it's because it was you. Nobody else could have done it. You, my first friend completely unrelated to me by blood. You, my first true enemy. You…

_Waves of fear. The crowd is terrified, horrified, their words stifled in their throats.__ You've succeeded perfectly in your aim of drawing the world's hatred upon yourself._

In any case, I was an absolute idiot for agreeing with you. Because now…

_I see you now, seated on your throne so high above the crowds, Nunnal__ly at the foot of your immense throne. You stand, your face a mask of shock, but both you and I know that it is just that – a mask. After all, you were the one who had planned for me to come today._

… Now, I have to kill you.

_The prisoners and the crowd shouts in surprise; their voices are a white noise to me. I see only you. Even from this distance, I feel as if I hear your breath coming fast, __a flawless performance of fear._

I don't want to kill you. I used to, especially after Euphy's death. Then I caught you and took you to your father. That whole time, I felt that betraying you was the best thing – after all, you had betrayed me, betrayed Euphy, betrayed everyone.

_A moment of absolute stillness. Then I__ am running towards you. The Knightmares that make up your vanguard shoot; I dodge them, feeling the wind as they pass. My physical training is of use after all, don't you think?_

Then I found that suspicion just made life even less happy. That time when I was sure you were Zero but just couldn't confirm it, I kept guessing and second-guessing, keeping tabs on you, not trusting you an inch. I hated it, hated it all. It didn't suit my nature. I could feel it gradually taking over, making me into someone I didn't like.

_Jeremiah steps into my path,__ his single human eye intent on me. Another time I might have tried my strength against him, but not now. Now I have something to do. I leap over him, using him as a stepping stone…_

I think that's how you got me to agree with the Zero Requiem, back there in the World of C. It appealed to the new me, the me that wanted revenge for Euphy, because it meant your life – and it also appealed to the old me, the one that knew the responsibility of having the future in one's hands.

_I land in front of Nunnally, marveling for the dozenth time at her wide blue eyes that have not been open for eight years. Right now, in crimson rags and heavy chains, she is the picture of a fallen princess. I do not stop; my goal is __you and you alone._

Now that the time has come to carry it out, I find myself hesitating. I don't want to kill you, in the end. Somewhere along the way, I found my old self again.

_Another leap, and I stand before you. You emperor's outfit makes you look even skinnier than you actually are – you are lost in those white and gold folds. They never suited you. At least you won't be buried in them, or just not this particular outfit._

By being your knight, the Knight of Zero, I had my old purpose restored. I was no longer just fighting against machine after machine, fighting for survival, fighting with no clear reason – I was fighting to protect you, fighting to help you, fighting _for_ you. That made all the difference.

"_You cretin!" you declare, pulling out your pistol. Well, you must give _some_ show of resistance, or it wouldn't seem real. I draw my sword, disarming you in the same movement. As I lower it to bear on you, you smile at me, for me… only me._

I know that even after you die, I have to carry on the last part of the Zero Requiem – to rule as the masked champion Zero and rule with Nunnally in the united, peaceful world you will create through your death. I will still have a purpose.

_The sword is longer than absolutely necessary; I lean forward, pulling my hands back to level the sword at you. You still smile, as serene and welcoming as if I were dropping by your house for tea rather than preparing to run you through with a sword. I cannot look at your face; I focus instead on your chest, your heart, as my sword rushes inexorably onwards._

_The sword plunges in with almost no resistance. I have hit you at the best spot, right between the ribs and into the heart. You reel; the sword has penetrated your body completely and now thrusts out of your back. You are impaled upon my sword, blood leaking from the edges where flesh and metal meet. I feel wetness on my cheeks as I gasp your name…_

Yet having a purpose is not everything. I need you…

"_This is also a punishment for you," you whisper, your words not meant for the media but for me and me alone. "You will be the defender of justice and wear a mask forever. You will no longer be able to live as Kururugi Suzaku." You are leaning on me, so close that I feel the life flicker and fade within you. Slowly you drag one bloodstained hand from where it clutched your chest to touch my mask, your mask, the mask of duty, the mask of Zero, as if you tried to reach to me even in your death throes._

No, I will admit it. I need you, I want you, I love you…

_I rest my head on your shoulder; it is no longer clear who is supporting whom. The tears have become a__ river, then a flood despite my greatest efforts; I give up at last, for nobody can see me cry inside this mask. "You will sacrifice all of your own happiness for the world… eternally…"_

Oh gods, why had I decided to follow through on this?!

"_I accept… that Geass," I choke out, barely able to speak around the huge lump that has formed in my throat. Your hand slides off my mask; I pull the sword out of you, flinging it back in a fresh splatter of blood. You rock, then stumble to the front of your giant throne, the blood now flowing freely without my sword to stem it. You waver, and finally collapse, flipping over as you fall down the steep ramp painted with the flag of Britannia to land beside Nunnally, leaving a trail of blood in your wake._

Dying. You are dying. I somehow cannot believe it. Ever since I walked into Ashford Gakuen for the first time, you returned to being a constant in my life, just as you had been when we were little. Now you're about to leave me…

"_Brother?" Nunnally leans over you. So forgiving. If only I had been like her from the beginning... _

I want to scream, to rip off this mask and shout for a medic, but I know better than anyone that the wound I have dealt him is a fatal one. I stand like a statue, my plea for you to come back dead on my lips.

_The two of you exchange words, too softly for me to hear. It does not matter; even if it had been loud, I would probably not have heard if over the roar and thunder in my ears._

Why now, just when we'd begun to understand each other again? Why did you choose this time to die? Just when I'd begun to return to my old self, or my new-old self, someone I could recognize again, just when _you_ had begun to become someone I knew…

_Nunnally__ freezes, then screams, wails, keens, much like what I am doing in my heart. You are dead… dead by my hand._

We never had anything like enough time together, and now we never will. And we can only blame ourselves for it.

_But I am the hero, the champion; I am Zero. I cannot cry my heart out like Nunnally. I must stand and face the crowd… I flick my sword one more time, getting rid of the blood that still drips accusingly from its tip. A familiar voice – Princess Cornelia's – shouts out, breaking the spell. "Lelouch the demon has died!"_

Oh gods, Lelouch, I hate you beyond words. For leaving me, for making me the one to blame, for ordering me to kill you...

_A part of me dies inside, hearing those words. Even though it was exactly what we had wanted, what _you_ had wanted… some small part of me, deep within, shriveled and died._

Well, just as you said, this is my punishment – to live while you are dead. It is much heavier a sentence than I ever imagined it to be.

_You died Lelouch the demon, and I almost pity those who never knew Lelouch the kind, Lelouch the beautiful, Lelouch the gentle, Lelouch the respectful, obedient, courteous…_

The legend of Zero will go on. Since it is now I who is Zero, who you once were, then perhaps in some way, we will still be together.

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**A/N:**** Whew! This is my first Code Geass ficcy, and it's harder than I thought to write about these characters. Even though this whole chapter is based on the last episode of R2, it was still tough trying to keep them in-character. I hope I did okay. I'm not very happy with the start or the ending, either. T.T**

**I just **_**had**_** to write this because after watching the whole anime series a second time, this muse just wouldn't stop riding me, so here is the product. I thought it'd be interesting to see Suzaku's opinion of events, and being a SuzaLulu shipper, that also ended up in here. It pretty much wrote itself XD Hope you enjoyed it and didn't find it too hard to follow!**

**Please Review! I really appreciate constructive feedback ^^**


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